0:00:00 | JCD: “Understated beauties.” (1:09:45) |
0:00:34 | JCD using “counterfeit ink” in printer, ACC’s $17 printer; “horrifying” Warriors game |
0:02:59 | White House Correspondents’ Dinner: journalist saving Egyptian boys from “being raped on cold winter nights”; First Amendment theme; organization head on participants’ “gender identifications”; Michelle Wolf channeling Roseanne Barr, “no agenda” disclaimer, bombs with pink pussy hat yarn joke, lame “how broke is he?”, mumbling punchlines |
0:20:05 | ACC on silliness of absent roastee; Michelle Wolf nastiness compilation, “Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay”, Kellyanne Conway insults, Sarah Sanders and The Handmaid’s Tale, Uncle Tom white women, “perfect smoky eye” obscure Maybelline reference; ABC’s Jon Karl: Wolf “crossed the line”; “Trump has helped all of you” parting shot; Don Lemon on Kanye West’s comments affecting “me as a person of color who happens to be gay” |
0:38:34 | Trump: “Iran is right there” whenever there is Middle East trouble; Iranian Press TV on ban on US dollar for imports, ACC: “it’s not a successful strategy for long living” |
0:50:00 | Trump’s Michigan speech: “Bush-Obama special” London embassy, “I blame past presidents and past leaders of our country” for being taken advantage of in international trade; JCD on Mussolini-like pose; “not your fault” for Xi Jinping in China speech; JCD on storytelling ability, “Chrysler’s moving back to Michigan” tangent, “Republican of the year”, return to “build your factories here” for China; “it’s your fault” for Sen. Debbie Stabenow |
1:05:50 | ACC takes exception to JCD’s previous Josie and the Pussycats recommendation |
1:07:38 | KPIX native ad for new robotic RealDoll, anchor Elizabeth Cook irked at closing story, customer “I’m very sexual, I can have sex every day”, “virtual girlfriend” app, creepy “nice to meet you”; women’s replacement anxiety; companions for the elderly, JCD: “carpool lanes” |
1:20:49 | Producer Segment |
1:31:54 | ACC OTG: Austin’s live/work The Domain “mall turned inside-out” for test of smelly “refurbished” ZTE Z431, web browser’s built-in defunct AT&T home page, “classic” Nokia E71, physical keyboard “excruciating”; young women with phones in hand or carrying two phones |
1:48:38 | Dogs on furniture store beds, “dogs are people too” sticker; KPIX on hordes of BART addicts and homeless, search for “solution” in best way to kick them all out, JCD: “bus ‘em to Austin!” |
1:56:31 | Dirty Thirties: “sweet patootie”, “Cadillac” one-ounce heroin/cocaine packet |
2:00:21 | Joy Reid pseudo-apology for “despicable and truly offensive posts being attributed to me”, “I genuinely do not believe I wrote those hateful things”, passive-aggressive “I own that, I get it”, guest Trump-bashing compilation: “we got a Secretary of State who believes that being gay is a sin”, Pence “would have us all in concentration camps hoping to pray away the gay” |
2:09:48 | Donation Segment: poop donation jingle |
2:21:15 | Sexual Harassment Update: Linda Vester to Variety on being “groped and assaulted by Tom Brokaw”, contrived “this is my story”, “jumped a foot” from being tickled, “milk and cookies” hotel phone call, blame squarely on NBC for PTSD; JCD “theoretical Trump target” list including Spielberg and Hanks; Robert De Niro “I’d like to punch him in the face” rant |
2:42:14 | South Korean Foreign Minister Kang Kyung-wha to Christiane Amanpour: “credit goes to President Trump” for developments; Adam Schiff predicts confrontation, Lindsey Graham talks Nobel Peace Prize; Mark Shields rant about Trump terrorizing employees |
2:47:57 | Golden State Killer Joseph DeAngelo tracked down with “discarded DNA”; University of Texas MasculinUT program for “healthy masculinities”, JCD: “no flirting!” |
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