Call Clooney!

1355 Stilts and Steroids (2021-06-13)

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0:00:00ACC: “We do a pretty good job, y’know, we check all that shit out!” (0:21:10)
0:00:34Eight-car Zephyr as part of Chinese shipping container parade; “shrinkflation” combining downsizing and price increases; 14 injured in 6th Street Austin shooting, Austin Statesman attempts to assign blame to biker rally and declines to include police description; constitutional carry law awaiting Gov. Abbott’s signature; JCD’s expired amateur radio license
0:10:38Vaccine propaganda from Berlin Wall hero David Hasselhoff; Bloomberg labels Miami Bitcoin 2021 conference “COVID hotspot”; VAERS database up to 5,888 deaths, Danish soccer player Christian Eriksen’s on-field heart attack, Germany and Italy halt teen vaccinations; Scott Gottlieb to CNBC: “it needs to be looked at”, shots fired at Johnson & Johnson “viral vector construct”, “we do a pretty good job … of capturing what are likely severe adverse events” lie
0:23:06Erin Burnett clucks disapprovingly at Sherri Tenpenny’s analysis of “spoons and forks all over them” magnetic effect, more wackos trotted out as examples of “some white evangelical Christians”, flustered Burnett emits a rare “President O’Biden” (CotD); FDA extends Johnson & Johnson expiration date, ACC: “honey, I’m gonna get me some of that over-the-date VAX-ine!”, “rare” cases of myocarditis in children; two Celebrity Cruise breakthrough cases; Manitoba unveils “secure immunization card” with subtle pitch for two Johnson & Johnson shots and promise of “certain benefits”; New Hampshire school faces backlash over writing numbers on prom attendees, JCD proposes “Covagotchi” tracing doodad; judge throws out Houston nurses’ lawsuit; British TV series Utopia; continuing investigation into Chinese espionage against Winnipeg microbiology lab, JCD on Chinese difficulty with uncensored storytelling
0:49:18Boris Johnson promotes G7 “Build Back Better” meeting in Cornwall, “building back more equal and in a more gender-neutral, and perhaps a more feminine way”; CBS lauds glad-handing Biden, Build Back Better World vs OBOR, needling for Trump and Putin; NPR on Biden’s sudden anti-China shift, Oxfam interjects “climate chaos”; “do it for the planet” pitch from Prince Charles; BlackRock furiously buying rental properties, Blackstone “private REIT”, ACC’s $100,000 Airstream, Austin’s five-year plan to become San Francisco
1:14:40Producer Segment
1:44:04Producer notes on John Kirby’s “pacing challenge” China comments
1:50:07The Five hosts take cheap shots at Jeffrey Toobin’s interview with Alisyn Camerota; Camerota bludgeons five to seven apologies out of a smirking Toobin, ACC: “he could’ve written a best-seller: I’m a Shitty-Ass White Man: Beat Me”, Camerota’s “Strahan assignment”
2:05:46Jeff Pegues on Trump DoJ subpoenas for Reps. Adam “LiddleKidz” Schiff and Eric Swalwell; Nixon lawyer John Dean to Erin Burnett: “it’s Nixon on stilts and steroids”
2:12:55Roger Waters’ “fuck you!” to Mark Zuckerberg’s offer for Another Brick in the Wall license
2:16:12Cox Media Group stations still recovering from ransomware attack; NPR pins blame for ransomware attacks squarely on Bitcoin and Russia; Putin makes “verbal indigestion” comment for list of deceased political opponents; Benjamin Netanyahu set to be replaced by “ultra-nationalist” Naftali Bennett; Boston man briefly chomped on by humpback whale
2:23:44$28M to take brief ride into space with Jeff Bezos
2:25:12Donation Segment
2:36:50“So there goes freedom day” iso; Biden introduces “my friend” the CEO of Pfizer
2:38:58Neil deGrasse Tyson and Bill Maher react to UFO disclosure hysteria and “glitches”
2:42:48Drunk C-SPAN caller showers praise on the “compassionate” Joe Biden