Call Clooney!

308 Wiener-Gate (2011-05-29)

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0:00:00JCD: “I’m gonna give Pfizer the benefit of the doubt on this story!” (2:05:15)
0:00:32PATRIOT Act extension “signed by a robot” with autopen: “Max Headroom effect”; Obama campaign robot’s Westminster Abbey 2008 signature; Section 215 “tangible things” for FBI, Fight Club gag orders, immunity for ratting on the neighbors; Lithium in Your Cup jingle
0:15:52Producer Segment: school essay Methodius and the HAARP; Hot Pockets Tour dry run
0:33:38“Weiner-Gate is upon us!” with douchebag Anthony Weiner bitching about “plan to end Medicare”, underwear erection photo for Gennette Cordova from “hacked” @RepWeiner account
0:41:10Fox Business alert: hackers attacking Lockheed Martin and other contractors , “three million cyberattacks each and every day against the Pentagon!”, Chinese “elite cyber-warfare unit”
0:44:18AP’s elusive Michelle Faul on questionnaire showing 259 raped by pro-Gaddafi militia; Faul’s possible Murphy-Hoffman Company connection, John Dvorak the High Times contributor
0:51:17ACC puts in request to interview New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson, marijuana legalization and harm reduction strategy, Sean Hannity: “there’s no educating somebody that crack is bad for you”, JCD: “well then there’s no law that’s going to stop it either, you douchebag!”, Portugal’s 50% reduction in heroin addiction, JCD irked by Hannity’s “specious bullcrap”
0:58:54Douchebag Ed Schultz suspended by MSNBC for calling Laura Ingraham a “right-wing slut”, 2010 Media Research Center quote of the year “the Republicans lie, they want to see you dead!” rant; “slut walks” in Canada and Australia in response to Toronto police “women should avoid dressing like sluts”; JCD reading of “slut” synonyms, ACC: “sluts and douchebags!”
1:06:02“Hypersexual disorder” proposed for upcoming DSM-5, ACC Red Book: vaccine
1:11:40Donation Segment: Soros’ Media Matters pressuring Orbitz’ “gay dollars” to ditch O’Reilly
1:26:00Joe O’Biden filling in for Obama in heavily-edited weekly address, National Hurricane Week just in time for Joplin MO tornadoes, Chrysler announces loan repayment “six years ahead of schedule” by paying off government loan sharks, GSA press conference full of Chrysler hybrids, JCD on Chrysler Aspen’s dizzying 19 mpg, Biden’s American dream: “we’re focused on making sure that if you work hard, play by the rules, you’ll be able to get ahead, put your kids through college, retire with dignity and security”, ACC: “and then die!”, Memorial Day “tens of thousands of troops” reminder, ACC’s lawnmower effect for “offer to mow their lawn”
1:39:37US and British nationals being urged to flee Yemen, Wes Clark Seven MIA from internet
1:43:03HHS’ Kathleen Sebelius in press conference call: five-year-olds unable to sit still without drugs; “this is not a form of brainwashing” Pledge of Allegiance; Sebelius “John Kerry with a wig”
1:49:27Only Dutch citizens to be allowed coffee shop access; consumption taxes explained
1:57:38New meme: Sustenex ad using pharmaceutical model, “I began to have several discomforts with my digestive system”, “even Dr. Oz writes that he likes Sustenex!” (CotD)
2:01:54Reports of suicides and other Chantix side effects “accidentally” submitted to FDA through wrong channels; JCD on lost passport documents sent to outdated State Department PO Box
2:06:22E. coli outbreak in Germany; Spanish protesters roughed up; “mysterious explosion” in Tripoli, $40bn from NATO for broke provisional government; 500 Chinese working on Berlin-Warsaw A2 highway, Obama promises Poland visa waivers to encourage shopping on 5th Avenue
2:11:15Shadow Puppet Theater: former New Hampshire Sen. Judd Gregg hired by Goldman Sachs as international adviser; finance minister Jean-Claude Juncker threatens to cut off IMF money from Greece, ACC: “wonder how rat meat tastes?”, JCD recommends cookbook Unmentionable Cuisine, “and there’s a lot of recipes, by the way, for squirrel”