| 0:00:00 | JCD: “You need a very expensive blasting cap.” ( 1:00:24) | 
| 0:00:31 | JCD’s slide whistle stolen by David Letterman | 
| 0:01:41 | Andrew Breitbart dead of “natural causes” at 43 after announcing “I’ve got videos” at CPAC | 
| 0:06:24 | Follow the Pipes! jingle; Billy Crystal’s GOP candidate enumeration omits Ron Paul | 
| 0:09:51 | Lucifer Clinton sending North Korea energy bars in exchange for nuclear talks; Vladivostok Pipeline deal with Kim Jong-il; Uncle Don to NewsHour on plutonium vs uranium, casual mention of Bobby Ray Inman to ACC; Vladimir Zhirinovsky on secret weapon used on Fukushima | 
| 0:24:44 | North Korea allowing citizens to enter China if they bring back one ton of food; NPR on “nutritional assistance” energy bars as alternative to rice and beans; Laura “Ling Ling” revisited | 
| 0:33:34 | Producer Segment | 
| 0:41:24 | Stratfor e-mail leak, Manning and Assange possible Israeli spies; Facebook Advertising Conference Steve Jobs wannabe previews “the logout experience”, ACC: “this is gonna suck!” | 
| 0:50:54 | “Uh” ding-fest for Lucifer Clinton explaining why Iran has not yet decided to make a nuclear weapon, Pakistani officials too stupid to understand ammonium nitrate; Lucifer to BBC on terror groups “supporting… claiming to support” Syrian rebels, laughter for Yemen casualties | 
| 1:06:06 | Lucifer sending Bureau of Energy Resources “trade missions” to Africa to plan “development of the energy sector”; “flying monkey” Carlos Pascual outed by WikiLeaks; three pipeline explosions in Balochistan and anti-Iran “terrorist” group Jundallah, 18 pipeline workers killed on bus to Rawalpindi; Jay Carney: Bush neglected “the original war” in Afghanistan | 
| 1:19:31 | UN warns of Afghan “industrial scale” opium production; Obama requesting more money for Tadzhikistan to counter Iranian industrial city plans; Operation Flashpoint: Red River video game trailer; ACC theory: peak oil invented to inflate price; Greek $19bn ΔΕΠΑ selloff | 
| 1:30:21 | Donation Segment: New Zealand public TV told not to offend advertisers | 
| 1:49:50 | Ask John: appearance by Newt Gingrich in 1984 film Countdown to the Looking Glass | 
| 1:53:44 | Don Lemon and Soledad O’Brien on the ground for tornado reports | 
| 1:54:41 | Diane Sawyer on shooting at high school in Chardon Ohio “known for their serenity, and maple syrup”; Livermore school locked down for two hours after sighting of imaginary man with rifle; panic over “gonna” autocorrected to “gunman” in Gainesville Georgia | 
| 1:58:50 | And Now Back to Real News: frenetic Extra lead-in dropped; Michael Douglas insider trading PSA for FBI; Salinas ABC station KSBW running nothing but house ads | 
| 2:05:49 | Church sex abuse records shredded by Cardinal; Redwood City special education abuse | 
| 2:10:34 | No Agenda Swine Flu Minute: CDC study finds flu in bats just like in Contagion; IAC Immunization Action Coalition vaccineinformation.orgfunded by CDC and the usual suspects; diet pill Qnexa maker’s stock doubles after FDA recommendation | 
| 2:15:53 | Chardon shooter’s “die, all of you” poem on Facebook; Fox “extra two inches” ad | 
| 2:18:24 | Animal rights campaign against bear bile farming in China | 
| 2:19:46 | Two Bibles found during demolition of bin Laden compound; remains of Shanksville and Pentagon 9/11 victims dumped in landfill by biomedical waste contractor | 
| 2:22:58 | Shadow Puppet Theater: 377 House staffers now registered as lobbyists | 
| 2:23:54 | LightSquared CEO Sanjiv Ahuja resigns; Abound Solar cutting 70% of staff | 
| 2:25:45 | Presidential Policy Directive for Eric Holder’s black bag authority; Holder bangs his fist while lying about Fast & Furious; snobby NYT ads; end-of-show Producer Maynard LGBT interview | 
| 2:32:38 | Haiku Herman calls for continuing work on “gross and jop” and “infusing” member states |