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90 Lost Your Job? Eat More Fiber (2009-04-19)

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0:00:33ACC on Patricia not all-in on show, “I need to get myself a girlfriend”; JCD’s Queen’s Day visit, ugly shade of orange national color, Trafalgar Square Dutch event, Madurodam miniature park; Giuliani outraged over Dutch Devil’s Advocate show mock trial exonerating bin Laden, removed from FBI ten most wanted list; EU claims to have thwarted 515 “terrorist preparation attacks” in 2008, high threat level from “Islamist as well as ethno-nationalist and separatist terrorism”, 187 arrests
0:16:57Beaten pastor and nunchaku threat thanks to out of control US border patrol; Janet Napolitano in the right-wing crosshairs; positive review compares No Agenda favorably to The Daily Show; In Flight magazine video camera disguised as pen; JCD plays children’s age Jeopardy!, producer’s “mystery caller details” answering machine message for JCD, crank calls from drunken teenagers; JCD on backstage passes and buffets
0:27:19Message from Aric on Somali Pirates as fractal of American behavior, JCD on philosopher Jacques Lacan as interpreted by Slavoj Žižek; Belgian ship captured, ACC: “they ran out of coal”, piracy trial in New York; No Agenda countdown jingle
0:36:50And Now Back to Real News: “trending” Twitter-enabled cat flap, Oprah’s 250k followers, Susan Boyle still top trend; Abduwali Muse “ringleader” meme
0:42:38Maersk Alabama attacker Abduwali Muse to be tried in New York, JCD: Kenya a “shithole”, military shaking down tourists at airport, fun with Djibouti; upcoming US-Israel wargames
0:51:13JPMorgan Chase lays claim to Rijksmuseum’s “de bocht van de Herengracht” used as loan collateral; news nationalization meme and potential bailout, GM pensions pulling the company into bankruptcy; government preparing for mass unrest, ACC predicts FEMA camps, JCD on L’Aquila earthquake tent city: “a bunch of people sitting around drinking cappuccinos”
1:02:06Bush 43 torture memos, Obama administration not to prosecute anyone “following orders”, Spanish magistrate going after “Bush six”, JCD on international courts and New World Order; China hires Jackie Chan to spew propaganda, “if we are not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want”; JCD on companies relocating to fascist “fine city” Singapore
1:10:20Shadow Puppet Theater: auto industry bailout advisor Steven Rattner under investigation; Nicolas Sarkozy insults three world leaders in one lunch, ACC Carla Bruni MKULTRA theory
1:13:46Donation segment; $51.50 California legal psychiatric hold, “Johnny Green”
1:18:30And Now Back to Real News: Madonna falls off horse startled by paparazzi
1:19:37Iran arrests 26 for child pornography, ACC: “I need a tinfoil towel”; producer gripe about repeated JCD cork story, ACC’s warning siren
1:22:41British “coping with the stress of job loss” pamphlet recommends eating more fiber; Thai government classifies ginger and chiles as hazardous; Gordon Ramsay busted for serving warmed-over food, philandering rumors and pissed-off father-in-law backer; free NHS flu shots for those over 60, ACC on eugenics and world population control
1:32:52Outro, ACC: “but remember, I’m right handed, so if they put it in my left hand, I didn’t fire those two shots at my own head”